nothing..the world is filled wityh nothingness

indeed it is..

a few seconds ago i was trying to find something to write. something that would sound smart, something that would make other people think. but as i drifted in the solace of my own thoughts i realized i do not need to.

i do not need to impress anyone with my writing, because that isn't what im here for.

i realized that the blogs ive been posting these past few days, they are more of the "popular" version. Those blogs that we see as guilty pleasure. do you undesrstand me?
do you get what im saying?

i mean, those types of blogs are fabricated. those copy and pasted stories about celebrities and what not. i posted gthem because of one thing: i wanted to gain more views. and to do that, i need to post more popular people and articles.

but as i am writing this, i realize asomething: my bvlog, this blog, wasnt created to be that way. i wanted to create a blog to be reflective of my personality. i wanted a blog that would be for party-people. a fun blog. a fun loving blog even.

i wanted to create a blog that would allow people to shae amazing parties and great celebrations. and i realized this was not happening.

and i find it sad that i veered away from what i truly want to pursue. i find it difficult nowadays to write about partiers and my club-escapades. simply because i havent had any for the past two weeks. and this is very untypical of me. i am a partyphile. i live for the weekwends. my battlecry is techno music. that is who i am.

and in the midst of all this chaos i am currently getting from school..between al the cases, company anayses and other (seemingly) worthless projects...i think i have lost that self.

i am not sdaying this because i have stopped partying. i am more than the act of partying.

i lost my fun loving nature. i have ceaed to be free spirited. in these cases i make, i need to consult each one of my members before writing what i think i correct. i have thus lost my knack for independent thinking. and it is sad how soon i lost it..

stress is a bitch and i believe that..
but it used to be, i was the excemption to that rule..i was the one who could stay up for 48 hours with a catnap and a box of fries. that was me. the one who could finish projects and lear everything in a jiffy. the one who never got tired. i was the one who stayed up in a groupmates' home, making a case, for two days, with only 4 hour snaps and scghool as our "break" and i used to top it all off with that necessary saturday night out..wherein i would drink to my heart's content and go home drunk.

thast wa me..the zhaun ortega i know..
now..this stressed out freak..i dont know him..


and i hope that in the midst of all this confusion, i find my happy place in the simple things in life again: a chocolate bar from a friend. free cigarettes. a happy meal from mcdonalds. the smell of fried chicken filling up the house. or even just the sound of a ringing bell and me standing in front of an abandoned clasroom and hearing the words "classes are cancelled today" from behind me

bye bitches!