now i know this a blog for partyphiles and i havent put stuff on this blog for a while
but now im so depressed i need to mope
im depressed because of so many things..
you know..
i have always told myself that i was too cool to be depressed...
but right now..thats whats happening
i am so depressed that i dont know what to do
once again i have managed to put myself in a situation where i cant stand doing nothing...i cant stay in a room alone...because it will only make my depression worse
and what solution do i find for this depression: going out clubbing or drinkin.
when you see me outside..and im only outside the house when i go clubbing or drinking with my friends..
you would see me and i would look all happy
ya know,...the normal zhaun..the one who is outgoing..the one who is happy, confident and content..
but i keep a little secret...people have been wondering why i go out to drink so much now..i always tell them that im making the most of my summer. i need to drink as much as i can before i go back to law school
but the truth is..im depressed..and ive been depressed for days..weeks even..and im depressed because of so many things
i cannot describe what depression feels like..
everyone knows it is the loss of happiness..but when yous ee me outside..drinking and having fun..i seem like a happy person
whats lacking in my life, really, is genuine joy.
i am not joyful..i cannot even stand alone in my room
my thoughts are all sad
the songs that run thru my head are all lonely
and all i can do is sit and wait for my de[pression to fade
alcohol is good...it brings me closer to friends..
alcohol makes me dizzy giving me something else to tend to..instead of my depression
alcohol makes me laugh
alcohol makes me throw up..
and in those moments when im curled up beside the toilet bowl, puking my guts out..thats when i feel i am human.
thats when i feel i am capable of other emotions, other feelings aaside from sadness
and thats why i love drinking
never look at alcoholics as bad people...
because an alcoholic just might be a badly bruised soul looking for companionship and a night when he is too drunk and dizzy that he doesnt cry himself to sleep...
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3 comments:
"ex abundantia enim cordis os loquitur" --> out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. =)I'd just read you "falling.. falling.. falling.." Artile. I guess party all night seems like a sweetest escape from distasteful and forlorn dwelling. I'd been to parties most of the time when I was still in my college years, however; It took me quite a while before I realized that the idea "party all night and drink your problems away" is a mere cliche of pathetic people who got lost in trance of helplessness of finding oneself amidst the bunch of also helpless party friends.. But it was never too late for me to realize what my true existence is all about. Nevertheless, right now, as young as I am, I still enjoy spending my spare time with my friends with me almost achieving transcendence..
perhaps, you're one of those many party peeps that i'd met one way or another along the paved party grounds here in davao city. TC.. ciao
btw, depressed people are "almost always" suicidal by nature.. So just a piece of advice from not so expert but knowledgable enough, "better find someone trustworthy who is more willing to be all ears when you are ready to spill out all the beans"
I hope, this time I'm using my therapeutic communication with you.. hahaha.. been, using it since college years when having my duty in Psychia ward.. LOL..
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