it still feels like im falling.
it feels like im alone on a road where no one else dares to pass..
there is no one else here..
as always...i am alone
i have always been proud of myself because i had..have...lots of friends..
and these friends..they give me a sense of who i am
they know who i am
they know what i have become
they know where i came from
but actually..they dont know me
nobody knows me
i am really a stranger to everyone else in my life
sometimes, even i dont know myself
and even though i would like to pretend that i am this cool law student who has cool gigs in the coolest places as a band vocalist..has a cool job being an article writer for porn sites and stuff...and is a true blue partyphile..
i am still pretending
that is not me
who am i?
right now..i am not sure...
i have gone thru everal phases in my life
and i have been confused about everything
i dont know where im going..nobody understands me
and though they try to udnerstand me
i know noone does
im not making sense am i?
i sound like some suicidal goth boy
yes..life is weird..and people can make life shittier..i hope i could just escape all of this and go to a place where evryone is strange and i can carve my own niche into their society
i am nobody really..
i am zhaun ortega
i am insecure
i am self obsessed
i am stupid
i am loveless
i am unemotionally emotional
and i am..most of all..lonely
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2 comments:
"ex abundantia enim cordis os loquitur" --> out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh. =)I'd just read you "falling.. falling.. falling.." Artile. I guess party all night seems like a sweetest escape from distasteful and forlorn dwelling. I'd been to parties most of the time when I was still in my college years, however; It took me quite a while before I realized that the idea "party all night and drink your problems away" is a mere cliche of pathetic people who got lost in trance of helplessness of finding oneself amidst the bunch of also helpless party friends.. But it was never too late for me to realize what my true existence is all about. Nevertheless, right now, as young as I am, I still enjoy spending my spare time with my friends with me almost achieving transcendence..
perhaps, you're one of those many party peeps that i'd met one way or another along the paved party grounds here in davao city. TC.. ciao
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